wrigley field is MILF paradise
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
50% drunk capacity currently
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
