my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Four minutes until I can fart!
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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