The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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