yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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