i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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