wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I had to cum in my sink.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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