An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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