Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
