I will die if light touches me.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
