There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
