haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
