Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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