so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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