so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
