Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My pussy is not your playground.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
How does it feel to date your dad?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
