I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm getting married
To pizza
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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