so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
