just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
