My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
