Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
