At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
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