i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
