thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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