Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
