Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
