I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
