Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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