That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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