I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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