Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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