I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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