thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
