I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
