think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
