you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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