she woke up with a sticky ear
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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