where am i from again
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Drunk is not a location!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
