Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
