I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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