Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Too much gin, very little bucket
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
