He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
how drunk are you?
Several
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
