sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
