So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
