Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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