Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
