glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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