what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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