i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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