Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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