Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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