I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
pop tarts are not kleenex
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
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