Have you finally orgasmed yet?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
