moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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