Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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